Joel’s annual “Gift List” 29 Dec 11

Year End Gifts

I’ve wrote this article in the past and called it Holiday gifts. It’s a little late for a Christmas gift to these folks, but they still deserve something. So sit back, laugh if you will, snicker, do what you want…but have fun reading. And for anyone out there that might not realize it. I’ll pull out an old Jesse Ventura line…this is a JOKE! Let’s have some fun:

The State Legislature: A promise to buy all of you season opening tickets to the Los Angeles Vikings if you don’t act soon. As an added bonus, this gift also comes with a permanent vacation. You better start getting along on all issues, not just the stadium one. Because if you all can’t figure out ways to be civil, we’ll figure it out for you on the first Tuesday of this coming November.

The NCAA: A Big Crystal Bowl. To remind you that this is the only bowl people from my era and younger give a hoot about.

The BCS: A big stuffed elephant. Because, an Alabama Crimson Tide win in the national championship game should bring about the destruction of the BCS as we know it. (an elephant is their mascot for those that don’t know). No longer will you or anyone in the NCAA will be able to argue that college football has the best regular season, and that every week is like a playoff. Alabama LOST to LSU already, and was NOT in their conference championship game. Best regular season, my foot.

To the training staff of the Minnesota Twins: One of those boxes of medical supplies usually reserved for Hospitals. Something tells me you may be able to use it just as much as they could.

To the Twins Minor League affiliates: A book titled “Baseball for dummies”. Maybe then you could actually develop a player or two that is worth a hoot.

To the NBA: Nothing, which is exactly what you deserve. Greedy people fighting over Billions of dollars. You aren’t struggling to feed your family (Ok, other than Latrell Sprewell). Seems pretty petty in these tough economic times.

To Vikings fans: A little bit of patience. But that is being tested with AP out. We’re not that far away folks. There are some good pieces here. Rebuild the OL, DB and find linebackers not named Chad Greenway…and you’ve got a good team.

To the Vikings: One year of goodwill and a brand new checkbook. The goodwill is for you to get things turned around, any more time and our good will runs out. And the checkbook is for you to fix some postions. Once the Twins got their new park, they started spending. I expect you to do the same.

To the Minnesota Timberwolves: A giant alarm clock. To wake us all up when you’re relevant again. The changes you made are nice…but your still going to lose 3 out of 4 games.

To the Minnesota Lynx: A few bottles of champagne. I’m sure the party isn’t over yet, but here’s to establishing yourself as the only team in town worth watching. It’ll be fun watching you and covering you again in 2012!

To the Minnesota Wild: A DVD highlight film of all your players and prospects highlights recently. To remind you of two things…1. All the good work you have done turning around the program and 2. to remind you not everyone of these players can be in your future. Use what you’ve stockpiled to get some elite pieces. An elite player or two is the only thing holding us back from a Stanley Cup run.

To the Minnesota Gophers: Uhhh…whoops. This is kinda embarrassing. I forgot to get you something. But then you’re easy to forget since you haven’t had a relevant team in so long.

To the Baseball Hall of Fame voters: A video of Game 7, 1991 World Series. If that game doesn’t make the case for Jack Morris nothing will. The man was the best pitcher in all of baseball from the 80’s to about 1992 or 1993. I don’t care what stats say, the man was THE BEST.

To all young athletes (and in turn parents): The ability to lose. There is no single factor bigger I believe to a young person’s development in life and sports, then the ability to lose. You don’t have to like losing, but it teaches you how to get up off the canvas, dust yourself off, and come at life again. I credit this ability quite a bit in my development. Not enough kids know how to lose, then when they are faced with adversity…they can’t handle it. I was 0-22 in my junior year of High School Tennis. I turned out ok.

To the Green Bay Packers: A post season loss. I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I would be able to handle my wife’s Wisconsin relatives if they win it 2 years in a row.

To the City of Waconia: A beautiful weekend of weather for the Governor’s Fishing Opener. It will have been 365 days since I picked up my fishing pole thanks to surgery on my hand. I couldn’t be more excited for that event to come to the area and to catch fish again. God it was such a long 2011 without being able to go out fishing.

To All My Listeners and Readers: A prayer for you…found at the website of a former Professional Wrestling Manager Paul Bearer. His prayer’s author was unknown but I feel perfect for what I, just a radio guy, feel for you out there.

Lord, as I stumble through this life help me to create more laughter than tears, dispense more happiness than gloom, spread more cheer than despair. Never let me grow so big that I will fail to see the wonder in the eyes of a child or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.

Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people, make them happy, and make them forget at least momentarily all the unpleasant things in their lives. And, in my final moment, may I hear You whisper: “When you made my people smile, you made me smile.” Amen.

I sincerely hope that 2012 brings you all what you hope of it. Thank you so much for listening…I hope I have made you smile and forget a bit this past year.

Your friend,
Joel

  • Rk

    Joel, couldn’t have written/said it any better