Hello friends and welcome in to my annual christmas gift giving. A time where I try and think of (and poke a little fun at…it’s all meant in good fun) the perfect gift for certain people or teams in the sports world or in culture. Let’s get going…
-To the New York Jets….the game Clue. Then you can say you actually have a clue. While it’s fun to see someone out side of Minnesota suffering, its getting sickening to hear about “as the Jets turn” day in and day out. Oh and a bonus gift of some pillows to a certain few players and coaches who’ll need them to land on when they are kicked out in January.
-To the National Politicians…Oh I had to get this one specially made. It’s a special edtion of the popular game “Rock Em Sock Em Robots”. This edition I got specially made so the heads of the robots are glued down and can never come off. Well apparantly this is the game they like to play most…hammering away at your opponents while no one ever wins the game.
-To the Minnesota Twins…a case of your favorite beverage. We’ve begged you for years to do something, get some players in here and now you are. We know you may not be so good this year so you may need this beverage to get through the season.
-To the folks of Connecticut, Colorado, and every other place that saw needless and senseless violence this year….Peace. It’s been said many times but can never be said enough…we’re all with you.
-To Rick Adelman…a 2000 piece puzzle. Well the man has been a master at piecing things together. Of course this puzzle might be easier than piecing together a lineup lately with all th einjuries.
-To Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds….tickets to the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. Hopefully that’s the only way you’ll see the inside of that building.
-To Jack Morris…a new suit. Hopefully you’ll need it in late July!
-To the Minnesota Vikings…a guide book to the sites of New York City. To remind you that this season has been great…but that it’s the Super Bowl in 2014 (in NYC) that we’re shooting for.
-To the NHL Players Union…a copy of the economic reports of your home cities. No one cares your gone…not even here in hockey country.
-To the Gopher Football team…a sincere wish for good health to Coach Jerry Kill. He seems like a genuinely nice guy and the right guy to lead the football team, BUT I have to wonder if the team can keep surviving through Kill’s health scares. It’s got to hurt recruiting some.
-To national journalists and broadcasters…some ethics and standards. Most of you out there have this in spades but it’s the select few that don’t that are hurting our names and jobs. There shouldn’t be a race to break a story…you should take your time and do your due diligence.
-To Celebrities and anyone who’s been on TMZ or other hollywood news programs…Some Peace and Quiet. I still wonder why we need to know where you’ve had dinner and why were they out alone. You deserve some privacy…too bad I’m in the minority on that opinion.
-To Major League Baseball…a 10 foot shopping cart. Apparantly this cart (and free agents) can only go shopping in large markets.
-To NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell…an armored vehicle. Anything less and I’d be worried about his safety when he visits the super bowl in New Orleans in a few weeks.
-To the Internet…special filters that take out junk I don’t need to see. I don’t need 50,000 messages or forwards that have been forwarded 50 times already.
-To local charities, groups, volunteers, and anyone else who gave their time or talents to make this world better….a toast from me to you. May you be richly blessed in the future. Not everyone is able to do what you do and some people rely on you just to be able to get by day after day. You provide a valuable servce and they’re aren’t enough of you. God Bless you all!
-And finally to you…those who have listened this past year or read this column…a tip of my cap and my gratitude, along with a special prayer for you. The prayer’s author is unknown, but I found it on the website of former Pro Wrestling manager Percy Pringle (aka Paul Bearer)…
Lord, as I stumble through this life help me to create more laughter than tears, dispense more happiness than gloom, spread more cheer than despair. Never let me grow so big that I will fail to see the wonder in the eyes of a child or the twinkle in the eyes of the aged.
Never let me forget that my total effort is to cheer people, make them happy, and make them forget at least momentarily all the unpleasant things in their lives. And, in my final moment, may I hear You whisper: “When you made my people smile, you made me smile.” Amen.
I do hope I made you smile, that I took you away from your troubles for a moment. Have a very Merry Christmas, and I look foward to talking with you in 2013!